How to Survive: Your Two Year Old and Your iPad

The new Apple iPad has blended so seamlessly into our lives that buying it and opening it have become a vague memory. Everything about it is wonderful. The touch screen is a revelation. It turns itself the right way up to suit you. So if you have happened to pick it up upside down, just give it a little shake and it corrects itself immediately. Zoom in on any part of the page with most apps by widening your fingers on the screen. Similarly, narrow your fingers back and zoom back out.

It was so ready to use out of the box, that they don't even ship a manual with it - you literally don't need one to find out how to work it. Just tap things. There is one button on the front of it, tap it to move from one screen to the next. Apple interfaces have always been user-friendly. It is the original 'Windows' GUI after all. Most computers before apple were black-screen text-based, then they came along with their desktop and icons...

It literally took a few minutes to work out what the other buttons do: turn up the volume, switch it off, plug it in to charge.  It comes with YouTube, Safari, iTunes (off course!), App Store, a map, a calendar etc etc.

One thing I didn't realise was about apps. You don't just buy them from the app store. Also there are thousands of free ones! So, I made the big mistake of registering my credit card with the app store straight away because I thought that was the only way to get at the apps. But this is not the case. Although you cannot access the App Store without first registering a card, there are other way around this. Just search on Safari for the app you are looking for.

It looks hard wearing and durable and is robust enough to take normal use. And this is where the two year old comes in...

I thought I was buying a cool new gadget for myself! Not so. To be fair, he is two and a half, but now, a month into the purchase, he can take a plugged in, charging iPad, unplug it (easily) carry it to where he wants to use it (very easily) and start looking up what he wants.

Because once you press the button, things don't seem to close, but just go somewhere into the background, usually, clicking on it brings up a previous session. So, for example, he has learned to look at photos. He can flick from screen to screen but sliding his finger across. He knows about the button to get rid of stuff he does not like. And he knows which pictures to press to get to his favourite apps. He has an alphabet app, which he loves. Then there is Safari, which sometimes leads to iPlayer, on which we only ever seem to watch 'Charlie and Lola' and 'In the Night Garden' for some reason. He can very easily change from one programme to another.

He also knows how to switch on YouTube (worryingly) and sometimes there are the previous day's nursery rhymes there.

I often catch him testing other things to see whether they are touch screens, like the TV and my non-touch screen phone.

I am not sure what Apple's target demographic was for their cute new gadget, but my two year old loves it!

Short Survival Tips: #2

• Make your shampoo last twice as long by washing your hair every other day instead of every day. Your hair will thank you for it!
•  Use a slatted brush (one with wide holes) to blow dry your hair, it will dry faster. 
• Put a large dry towel into the tumble dryer, it will help your clothes dry more quickly. 

How to Survive Spreadbetting

Spreadbetting is not the same as buying and selling shares, although the two are linked. In spreadbetting, the trader decides whether his chosen market will go up or down and places trades according to what he thinks. So, for example, if there is some good news on the horizon for a certain company, a trader could buy its shares, or instead, place spreadbets with a specialist firm.

The main advantages of spreadbetting are threefold:
1. There are no buying and selling fees.
2. There is no capital gains tax to pay on the profits.
3. It is possible to trade in a falling market as well as a rising one.

Other advantages are that it is possible to make instant trades online, although, whether this is an advantage or not will become clear.

I have been spreadbetting for nearly ten years now - with varying degrees of success. There is a lot of information out there about how to spreadbet, so this article is not about that. It is left for the reader to choose their own instruments, techniques and spreadbetting firms. They are all of a muchness and it is really up to the individual to decide what suits them. I trade the DOW Jones Index. But actually, many other indices, other shares and currency can be traded the same way. Also, I use technical analysis, while other traders use fundamentals.

Is it possible to survive spreadbetting?
The only way to survive is with discipline. Discipline of mind and discipline of action. Without it, the trader is doomed to chase his own index up and down, losing money like Autumn leaves along the way.

1. Have a realtime feed if you are going to be a day trader. You will need a good source of news and a good charting system. There are online sources and software available to buy. I am not really intending to advertise anything in this summary because they are all pretty much the same and the sources are easily found online.

2. Have a provider that you can trust completely. You need to trust them to make the trades when you want and to give you a good price. When I started, there were 4 points between the buy and sell prices. Nowadays, most providers give a single point. The way they get around this is to give a price which is removed from the actual price. So, for example, the Dow price might be 12289, the buy and sell price could be 12291-12292. So it is still a single point, but it is just a little removed.

3. Before trading at all, and also before trading each day, watch where the price is going and see whether it is following your system. Never start trading as soon as the market opens. Chartists will find days when their signals all indicate exactly what will happen like a beautiful symphony played out by the Philharmonia. Other days, the flags will be there, but the price will be moving all over the place. Likewise, people who trade on the news could find that this latest piece of news was already built into the price last week and what should have gone soaring up, just doesn't. If it is not going along with your ideas, then leave it. Do not be tempted to guess. Sometimes it is driven by news - and there are enough chartists out there to drive the market according to their theories.

4. Never, ever trade up to your limit. Each instrument has a built-in market requirement. So, for the Dow, for each £1 trade, they require me to have £120 in my account. Now, if I only have £120 in my account, I would never trade at a £1 a point. Because that would leave me 100% exposed to that market and in a very vulnerable position. If it all goes in completely the wrong direction, then I will lose my hat fast! So, after 10 years of trading, I will, at a maximum, place a 50% trade. That way I still have funds in my account to cover my back if things should go wrong.

5. Know your trade. Before you place your trade, know when you will enter, know when you will exit. Know what you will do if it goes the wrong way. If you don't know all these things, then go home and start again. You will not trade to the top of the peaks and the bottom of the troughs. Sometimes, the provider's price just does not get that far and sometimes it all happens so quickly that you blink and its gone. Read up about stoplosses and make sure you have them.

6. Something silly that everyone says, but which is true is never run your losses and never bank too early. It is true that someone without a plan (or a clue!) will let a small loss run out of control in the hope that it will reverse. In the same way some people bank, as soon as a small profit is made, only to see it shoot up another 50 points. How you're supposed to know exactly what it will do, i'm not sure, but it is good advice. If you are making a loss, try to look at it with fresh eyes. From the point you are now, (not where you started) will it go up or down? If it is going the wrong way, no amount of hoping will bring it back in line. Close the trade, take a second, and move on.

7. Regrets, we've had a few, but never when we are spreadbetting. The time to remember and mull over your failures is not in the middle of a trading day. If you are feeling emotional and fragile, then switch your computer off and go and do something else. Otherwise you will be trading out of desperation. Which is not a good thing to be doing anything out of. No revenge trading, no running scared and no desperate last acts of heroic foolishness. Not the right time nor the right place.

Hopefully some of these points should help someone survive, there are a few more, but it is getting quite long...

How to Survive Being in a Cult

Take a good look around the room you are sitting in. Are there a lot of similarly dressed people in it who keep smiling at you all the time?

If the answer to this question is 'Yes', then don't panic. Get up slowly and walk towards the door.

Keep smiling!

Nod.

Now try to make your way into the bathroom or find a mirror. Take a deep breath and have a look in the mirror.
1. Are you wearing similar clothes to the people you have just seen?
2. Do you have all your hair?
3. Do you have a silly, permanent grin on your face?
4.Did you just answer 'Yes' to two or more of the above questions?

You could be in a cult.

The answer to the next question is very important: Do you wish to stay in this cult? If you have answered 'Yes' to this question, then please do not continue reading. No-one will judge you on this life choice (except your parents, all your friends and strangers at airports.) and we all wish you the very best of luck with everything.

If your answer was 'No', then it is imperative that you try to remove yourself from this cult as soon as possible. Do you remember whether you have any possessions? Not all possessions are important at this point. If you own a bowl and a pair of sandals, then this is not good. Possessions we are looking for at this juncture are anything from the following list: money, credit card, mobile phone, transport of any kind.

Go back down into the room with the people, and, when they are busy, take a quick look around the room. If you see any car keys lying around, or cash or phones, then try to secret them within your clothing. If the people do not busy themselves with other tasks, then try to distract their attention in some way by pointing out of the window and shouting 'Oh look at that!' loudly, banging the dinner gong, or telling them that you have just seen a chocolate bar lying next to a television in one of the rooms upstairs.

If the people do not get distracted but keep smiling and follow your every word and some of them start to write down things that you say, then this means big trouble.

You are the leader of the cult.

How did you end up with a cult? Try to think back as far as you can and remember your actions. Did you, at any time start any charismatic public speaking? Have you been asking people to give you all their worldly goods?

If you can not remember, then it does not matter too much, cults have a way of brainwashing their members. The members of the cult may have reverse-brainwashed you into believing what they want you to.

Being the leader is not so bad. Try to introduce some new thinking into your group. Introduce them slowly into the ways of capitalism. Let them watch soap operas on TV. Buy them some jeans. In time you will be able to release them and yourself back into society.

In the meantime, look around you. As the leader, you could have a huge pile of gold and some cars lying around...