How to Survive When Bad Things Happen to You

Recently the pipe under the bath upstairs burst. There was no-one home for a few days so of course the water built up into quite a little swimming pool in the upstairs bathroom.

Now, although I did not pursue physics as a career, it is easy for me to see that there was nowhere for this water to go but 'down'. So down it went. Right through the ceiling of the kitchen below. Which also went down, onto the floor.

To cut a long story short, what was once the floor went through the ceiling, which is now lying on the floor below. And the whole thing is one big swimming pool with its own little water feature.

This is just one example. When I say 'Bad things', I don't really mean bereavements or muggings or actual physical pain etc. But just those natural bad things which happen from time to time.

Things get broken, things go missing, things get taken etc etc etc.

The trouble is, no-one ever thinks it is going to happen to them. We all hear about the things which go wrong to other people, but we never, ever think that it could be us.

Did you hear about the poor chap who put all of his money (£80,000) in a bag and put it on the roof of his car and drove away? Or the woman who actually would have won the lottery jackpot if she had not lost the ticket? These things happen all the time to people who are just like us.

How to Survive Physically?

The way to survive these things happening is with some forward planning. Luckily, we are insured, so hopefully it will get sorted. This is the whole point.

It is extremely foolish to think that everyone else is plagued by this sort of bad luck and that we are some sort of lucky superpeople who live where nothing ever goes wrong.

The way we can survive physically is to have a back up plan to cover as much as possible.

Have insurance to cover your most precious belongings.

Have a duplicate key in case one is mislaid or lost or broken. Once it is cut, keep it in a place where it can be easily found.

Keep important documents in a filing cabinet or folder. If you do have insurance, you need to be able to find the phone number.

Keep important phone numbers up to date and in an easy place.

I'm sure there are hundreds more day to day things that we can do to make sure that when something unfortunate happens, there is a minimal amount of fuss. Make a list of five things that could be done today to help you survive.

How to Survive Mentally

It happened. It happens. There is no point even wasting a second on thinking 'Why me?' or feeling sorry or guilty or bad.

The other thing there is no point in doing is looking for the person to blame. It is when we are not prepared that we look around for people to blame and to try to sue or feel bad so that we can feel good.

There is no magic 'unwind time' feature associated with pouring our anger over someone else when the bad stuff happens.

Readers who are familiar with self-help books will know what is coming next. I'm gonna say it. Get ready!

Positive mental attitude. Sorry, it had to be done. Trying to cultivate a positive attitude throughout life does a lot to help us to cope with a lot of different situations. After a few minutes of 'omg!' the next thing to do is act to sort it out.

Now I'm thinking "I'm inconvenienced", but my family and friends came to my help. And after all: new bathroom floor, new kitchen ceiling, new tiles. Oh well. I could get those cute little round ceiling lights...

How to Survive Buying on eBay

If you are thinking of buying something online then eBay is a popular place where a lot of people start their search.

It is true that it is possible to buy a huge variety of things on eBay. This can range from designer shoes to a real crab necklace (really!).

So, how is it best to go about an eBay purchase?

Start off by just entering a term into the search box. It is good to be as specific as possible but without narrowing it down too much.

So, if you wanted to buy a 9ct gold dragonfly necklace, then that is exactly what you could enter. But if it was just a 9ct gold necklace, then a lot of other itmes would be shown.

I'm writing these obvious things down because of the '-' feature. In order to stop all the plated, tone and gold filled items from being shown, you can enter

9ct gold necklace -plated -filled -tone

et voila.

Once you have found the item, take a look at a small drop-down box at the top right hand side. This will say 'Best match'. Some algorithm that eBay has in place favours certain sellers over others and these are the ones which are listed at the top. But these may not be the items that you want, so they can be re-sorted in terms of price or however else you want to sort them, then the next thing to do is to look at the seller's feedback.

If they 100% positives and everyone is happy, then great. If there are a few negatives, then read the negs (you can click on the number to read just the negs). First, are they all from the same disgruntled buyer? Are they from people with low feedback themselves?

New buyers often have very high expectations and think that eBay is a giant company rather than a lot of stay at home mums, so they leave negatives about silly things. 'Item was not as pink as I thought' or
'Size was right but item did not fit me'

If this is the case and the picture is positive overall, then there is no need to be too worried.

Sometimes sellers pull their act together. So there could be a lot of early negatives and then a lot of praise.

If there are a lot of recent negatives along the lines of 'item never arrived, no communication' then avoid at all costs. The seller has obviously gone AWOL.

Having found the item and made sure the seller is OK, then next, read the description. Then read it again. There is no point bidding for something you need by next Wednesday if the buyer takes two weeks to deliver it.

Finally, when all this is sorted out, do a quick Google search. It is not always the case, but sometimes, it is possible to buy a new item from an online store for less than a second hand one on eBay.

That's it. Bid on the item to the amount that you are willing to pay and go away.
Do not stay online until the final second, because there may be someone who wants it more, who is willing to push the price up to silly amounts.

If you don't win what you want today, there may be another one along in a minute, or tomorrow.

Paying through paypal is often a more secure way to pay because eBay have fairly hefty buyer protection policies in place. If your item never arrives, then you are almost certainly guaranteed a refund by opening a case with them.

And that is all.

Enjoy your item.

Guest Editorial: How To Survive the Wait Till Christmas

Now, I'm sure many of you cannot wait until Christmas. This article will tell you how to survive the wait.

First of all, you must watch Christmas DVDs and listen to Christmas carols at the same time, while wearing a santa hat.

Put out food for the reindeer and for Father Christmas (not the same food).

Then, after you have done this, go and sing Christmas carols to your neighbours.

Eat lots of tangerines to remind you of the coming "surprise" in your stockings.

Make Christmas cards for your friends and neighbours and give them out.

Spend a lot of time thinking about all those lovely lovely presents and what you will do with them!!!!!!!

This has been a guest editorial by my daughter who is 11years, 2months and 28days.

How to Survive - No Mayonnaise, No Food Processor!

Oh No! There's no mayonnaise left!? How on earth did that happen?

How to Survive

Well, how urgent is the situation? Can you wait until you can get to the shops? Sometimes there is just no time to spare.

OK, here's what to do. First of all, Don't Panic!

Now, do you have an egg? Good. Break the egg into a clean jar with a tight lid. Now, add the same amount by volume (or a little bit more) of your favourite oil. It seems like a lot, but it should be about right.

Pour in a tablespoon of vinegar, add a pinch of salt/pepper/mustard. The quantities of these are completely up to you. Add more or less depending on how you like it.

OK, the second bit is very important. Put the lid onto the jar and make sure it is tightly shut.

The last thing to do is to shake the jar. Keep shaking it. Get your kids involved. Everybody shake it! Shake a shake a shake a.

When it has changed into a beautiful pale colour, open the lid and see what you have.

Hopefully you will have a small amount of creamy, velvety, tasty mayonnaise.
Add a bit more oil if it is too runny.

...And relax...

You should have enough to last you until someone can dash out to the shops.

How to Survive a Crush

If you have a crush on someone then it means one of two things: Either that it is unrequited and the other person has no idea about it, or that it is someone totally out of bounds, such as a married person. Of course, it could also be both of these things, in which case: Oh dear!

The trouble with a crush is how consuming it can become. All-powerfully, exhaustingly, mind-numbingly obsessive.

If you are in close proximity to the person on a daily basis, then you will look at their every gesture as a 'sign'. A sign that they secretly feel the same way and would return your love if only...

The poor person only has to point at something the wrong way, or scratch their head at the wrong time and you are instantly on the internet googling for 'body language'.

And the hours, oh the precious minutes, which turn into hours and days dreaming about that person. What a waste of time when you could be doing something infinitely more useful like, oh, I don't know, actually working or something?!

Survival Techniques

Now come on. This unattainable person is not going to suddenly drop their (probably perfect) life and run off with you into the sunset are they? More fool them if they would. How long would it last before reality came a-knocking and you could see them for exactly who and what they were? Not a perfectly formed super-being, but a normal person, just like you.

This calls for some aversion therapy. The point is, that you need to lead your life. You know, move on with your existence - without being constantly struck by inactivity due to daydreaming about your wedding.

Every time, yes, every time that you think of that person, you must picture them doing something disgusting. From now on, you only think of them picking their nose. Not scratching, or politely wiping, but whole finger in, gouging something out.

Another thing you have to do, is that everytime you think of them, you have to super-impose an image of their husband's or wife's face frowning at you. So, think of them, a micro-second later, a big floating face appears frowning just like the Wizard of Oz. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

If you don't know what they look like, make someone up. Put a bit of detail into it. Picture them going on lovely family picinics together, going shopping, washing the car. Get an image of them together first, then after that, just constantly frowning at you.

Another really good one is to see their children crying. Picture their cute little innocent faces tear-stained and heart-broken. Don't feel so much like having a crush now do you, you home-wrecker?

It is lovely to have a crush, especially if you think it is mutual, but if it becomes obsessive or there is absolutely no basis in it, then it has to be stopped or it will stop you. You will miss out on real opportunities which may be there, watching your every move and analysing your every nose twitch for a sign.

How to Survive Being Cut Up

You are driving along, minding your own business, when suddenly a car jumps into the road in front of you. You are jerked out of your daydream about chocolate cake and just have time to slam on the brakes.

You are well within your rights to be very annoyed and show this in whichever way you normally do. This could be by beeping loudly, flashing your lights, shaking fists, swearing, rolling your window down and shouting something withering - anything. For some excessivley sensitive souls, it could mean tailgating the offending car for a few miles while glaring hotly at them in their rear-view mirror shaking your head and mouthing 'you fool' every time they glance worriedly at you.

Stop!

You are a survivor in life's little struggles. There may be a good reason why this jerk  (sorry) person has done this to you. Last time this happened to me, I saw that the driver was a sweet little old lady who had not only failed to spot my whole car on the road in front of her, but also failed to stop at the next red light. She could just about see over her steering wheel. So it may not always be a wanton act of malice aimed directly at you.

Another thing is, will it turn out that you know the person, or that someone you know is in the car behind? If you live in a small town or city, then the chances of this are highly likely. Remember, real life, walking around, driving etc, is a lot like social networking. And just like social networking, never, ever do anything in public that you wouldn't want to get back to your mum.

Finally, although you might be a strapping six-foot lad, is the person in the car who just cut you up, actually an axe-wielding giant? Always be careful whom you offend on the road.

So, how do you survive being cut up?

If you can, let it go completely. Cultivate an atmosphere of calmness in your car so that when little things like this happen to you, you can just shake it off. If you are stressed, thinking about your horrible day, have loud music blaring or arguing kids in the back, then just one more kick could light your fuse. But if you are perfectly at peace and stable listening to your favourite thing, then this will be just as if nothing happened. You can just brush this annoying little person aside as if they were a passing fly.

That is fine if they have turned off or are in another lane. Sometimes someone has cut you up and then you have to follow them for miles seething and fuming behind them. Usually they are also in a better or newer car too (...the effing, bleeping...calm down, breathe). The only thing to do here is to pull up somewhere for a second, or let another car in between you and them. Turn off and go another way.

You will find, that as soon as that car is no longer within your sights, then it is gone from your mind. It can become a funny story that you tell when you get home, nothing more, nothing less.

Don't forget, someone who has cut you up really might have a pregnant woman in the back or be rushing home to their dying dog. These things do happen too. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

4 Sure-Fire Ways to Stay Calm While You Are on Hold!

With more and more customers in our society, customer service has necessarily become less personal and more a production-line affair. We are shunted from one computerised system to another. For some people, a call to customer services is now truly dreaded and a trip into the jungle with meat strapped around the middle seems to be more appealing!

“You are customer number “6” (in a different voice) you have five minutes more to wait” All the 'advances' in the waiting experience just seem to make it worse. They put you on hold before you have even spoken to anyone. Then they play you some nice music. Sometimes it is quite nice, a bit of Vivaldi, or a bit of Jack Johnson, but then, every ten seconds: “You are a very important customer. We apologise for the delay, a customer services representative will be with you shortly”. Yes, we know. We do know that we are on hold. We didn't phone up just to listen to the music! But, now that we are on hold, can you just go away and let us listen to it in peace please!?

Another system which can sometimes be worse is the endless pressing of buttons. “Press 1 for customer support, press 2 for technical help, press 3 to stay on hold for ten more minutes., press 4 to make nothing happen..” etc etc. Some exchanges can have up to nine options. And woe betide you if you get it wrong! Then you are sent back to the beginning with your tail between your legs. Start again and do it properly this time!

So how can we survive this horrible experience without exploding or running for the hills? Tip number one is:

Keep an eye on the time

Now we all know that they don't let you listen to a whole song, so while you are half way through listening to 'Orinoco Flow', it suddenly cuts in with a message, and then you are suddenly listening to the Bee Gees. This artificially accelerates our perception. We are not really paying our full attention to it. But our brain knows that a song is between 3 and 4 minutes, so logically, 7-8 minutes must have gone by.

A sure-fire de-stressor when being on hold is to watch the clock. I actually discovered this when we got a new phone. It has a little digital clock in the display and also tells me how long my call is. And one day, I was fussing and fuming about some company who had the audacity to keep me on hold for such a long time when I glanced at the display and lo and behold, two minutes had gone by. Yes, two whole minutes! Of course, during that time I had listened to their announcement every ten seconds so it made it seem like twenty minutes had gone by at least. Which brings me to tip two:

Do not listen to your phone while on hold

I think that most modern phones nowadays have a loudspeaker button or hands-free function. While you are waiting on hold, use it. Get through to the service you need, then put the phone on the speaker phone. This way, you are not standing awkwardly with your phone pressed against your ear for the whole time. Not only is this very liberating, but also you don't now feel that it is you on hold. You can do a little dimension shift in your head if you like, and either imagine that both you and the company are on hold, or just let yourself think that they are on hold. When the music stops and the person speaks, just give it two seconds before you answer. Or better still, answer them from a distance as you rush to pick up the receiver. It is purely a psychological trick, but it can be a guaranteed stress buster. But don't wait too long before you reply, or they will hang up and you will have to go through the whole thing again. So what can you do while waiting? Tip 3 is:

Relax!

Sit down. Sit on the floor if you must, or have a seat near the phone. Sitting down takes the urgency out of the situation, you feel much less like you are in a queue when you are sitting. And while you are sitting down, Tip 4:

Do Something Else

Put the call on the speaker so that you can hear everything going on and especially so that you are ready when someone finally answers, then just do something else! I now keep my phone above a bookshelf in the hall. So the simple act of sitting down and getting a book out to look at makes me feel a lot better while I'm waiting. Now, I am not “wasting my life on hold”, I am merely on hold while I spend my time usefully. I can be making a to-do list, watching a TV show, even making myself a sandwich in the kitchen.

Apparently we spend around 45 hours of our lives on hold, that's nearly two whole days! By creatively de-stressing, we can feel less like we are being led by the nose and more that we are in charge of the situation. And who knows, when we finally do get to speak to a real person, we will be much calmer and be able to get what we want with charm rather than with sheer force.